Home is where the heart is… I wish that cleared things up.

Last week I told you guys how Tepic is starting to feel more like home. I know that just as there are people who would be happy knowing I’m close to making my decision, there are countless others who might feel uneasy about it, especially my family. I just want to let everyone know that I am thinking my decisions through and I know that should I choose to stay here, I know it won’t be easy.

I know that I have that ever-looming threat of being financially unstable. But I trust in God. I know that it might be difficult for me to find a place to live. But I trust in God. I know that there might be moments, days, weeks – seasons, even – where I will question if I made the right choice. I know that I will likely go through some of the toughest trials I have ever experienced and I’ll wish I was back in America. I know.

But I trust in God.

That has been a recurring theme here. “This isn’t fair!” “Nothing is going right for me right now.” “I miss having people who speak my language (it’s a lot harder to deal with than you might think).” But somehow it always came down to a question of trust, of faith.

I thank God for my roommates. One in particular, Wendy (well, they are both named Wendy, so I have learned to either call her by her last name, or call her “Colombiana,” in honour of her home country), has been very helpful in helping me deal with the stressful process of making a life-altering decision. When she isn’t giving me Spanish lessons (and I did the right thing by asking her to teach me the very basics – and she’s a teacher, so things are going very well), she and I chat before we each call it a night, or whenever we have free time. And being a teacher, she is an exceptional listener, which comes in handy when I feel the need to vent out my anxiety concerning going back to America for good, or staying here in Mexico for however long God might call me.

“Are you God?” She’ll ask me.

“No… but-”

“Then don’t worry about it. When the time comes, He will tell you, and you will see that it will all work out. And you’ll look back and realise how stupid it was for you to worry so much.”

And of course I know all this. But it’s nice to have a reminder. God has been very good to me – He’s put a few Godly women in my life who have acted as mentors to me, Wendy being one of them, and of course, Pastor Mimix being another. Working with her has been awesome – she is super supportive of me, but she also expects me to grow, but in my own way. She just wants me to push myself. I’m hoping this week I can push myself to work more regularly, because not only is it what I came here to do, but it will be good for me to hear her wisdom everyday.

And like I said in my previous post, I’ve been working through some things spiritually, and teaching myself how to spend time with God. I’m also trying harder to actively apply the things I learn here to my life.  I’ve been praying a lot (our church is even doing a church-wide 21 days of prayer, and I’ve been taking advantage of that, sometimes going in for both the morning and evening sessions.

Maybe it’s because I still have some time here, and I know in my spirit that I’m not finished with Mexico yet. But I can’t shake the feeling I get in my gut when I think of staying in America. And I was just speaking about this (again to my roommate) – there’s something about Tepic. There’s nothing exciting here. It’s a small town, with not much here to entertain yourself. But there’s something about it that draws you in, makes you love it and develop a heart for it. It makes no sense, but it does all at once.

Anyways, I’ll try to keep you all updated on this as best I can. Everyone I talk to down here says that it would be good if I stayed here (but they of course encourage me to keep praying until I have no doubts spiritually). We’ll see. God’s timing is always perfect, and so are his plans. I might not have all the answers or a map that will help me see where my foot should fall next… but I trust in God.

It’s been just over a week since I’ve been back from America, and things have been going well. Seeing as how I didn’t have the chance to update you guys on how my two weeks back home went, I thought I’d fill you in now.

I got home pretty late Monday night, so there isn’t much to fill you in on except the fact that my mother took it upon herself to make my room super duper pretty – complete with a new bed and lights and frames for me to hang up. It was awesome, and I like to think I slept better that night knowing I was sleeping in a room done up with a mother’s love.

That first Tuesday was my first time back in the church, as well as the first time I saw my fellow Redefined worship team members and being able to play with them. It was also the first time I’d seen my granddad and little sister since I’d been gone, which was beyond exciting. Although I was taken aback by how big and cool my little sister has gotten. I would very much appreciate it if you would stop that, honey.

Throughout the rest of the week I was able to spend time with family and friends. I was reminded of how competitive my family gets at board games when we broke out the Monopoly (the choice of game was not my idea, I promise); I thought of how proud my Mexican friends would be when I found myself watching “futbol” with my family and and actually enjoying it; I was reminded of how funny my family was when we did literally anything together – I realised how blessed I am to have a family like them, even if they are a little crazy sometimes.

Trying to set up meetings with my friends reminded me of how we’re growing up – having to work around jobs and other adult things was a nice dose of reality. Down here, I am living like an adult. I live by myself, I take care of my house, I pay bills, I go to work, and I buy groceries. I do adult things. But I’ve never had to look that reality in the face, because it doesn’t feel as real when everyone around is doing the same thing – all my friends here have pretty similar schedules. My friends in America don’t. And so to have something as simple as “let’s hang out sometime” turn into complicated Jenga puzzle of who can and can’t make it on these days was irritating and eye opening all at once. Though to be honest, I’m dealing with it a lot more gracefully than I expected I would. Perhaps that’s just another mark of adulthood?

It was nice to be in America for the Fourth of July, even if we didn’t celebrate it as lavishly as others did. I just had dinner and played some board games with my family, and it was enough.

My last week was the most hectic week I could imagine having on “vacation.” You would have thought I would have learned from the first time around, but I still attempted to fit in too much too late. Time with friends and time with family left little room for preparation time. But, I have the best mother in the world, and she was the one who made sure I was able to get everything done before I had to get on my first plane back to Mexico.

I’m so grateful for the time I had back at home, but I must admit: it’s good to be back in Mexico.