I lost track of how many weird looks I go from people this past Friday when I said we were just going to Mexico for the weekend … to pick someone up … someone’s I’d left there six months prior. (I also lost track of how many times Dulce used the word, “exciting.”)

Miko’s visa expires after six months, so she has to get out. You could say we’re on an extraction mission … that sounds way cooler … why didn’t I think of that two days ago … ?

Anyway, she’ll be home for a couple of weeks before coming back to Tepic to finish her year.

Since I’m here, I thought I’d embarrass her by taking a ton of pictures, and give everyone an updated/outsider perspective of Miko in Mexico.

Friday night was youth group (of course).

Good times. I won’t bore you with all my youth ministry thoughts. The youngin’s went out for tacos and I went back to the house to crash. Two planes, a taxi, a bus, a car, and a youth ministry meeting in a foreign language is my limit for one day. I know: I’m so old.

Saturday morning Miko has worship practice with the Tepic team (i.e. the big leagues). This was her first time, and the worship leader was on vacation, but she got it figured out.

Dulce and I got snacks from the little corner store and colored. ‘Cause we’re big kids.

Then Pepe escorted us all over town. First, for “the best tortas in Tepic.” Was there a bag of dog food on the counter in the back? Yes. Were they the best tortas ever? Yes. So don’t ask questions. And don’t judge us.

And then there were raspados, because America has been doing shaved ice all wrong and I had no idea. Paper cones and colored sugar? Please.

Sunday is church day – all day. And I’m not complaining.

You may be aware that Miko works with the La Fuente team at one of their newest church plants in a small village named Puga. It’s the same small church we visited when Miko got here six months ago.

Puga is about a 45 minute drive from Tepic, and it’s a town that has grown up around the sugar industry. You drive past cane fields. You pass trucks loaded with sugar cane stalks. Most of the people in Puga work in the sugar production process somewhere. It’s a small, very blue collar/working class area.

Much to Dulce’s delight, we got to ride in the back of a truck with the other ministry helpers coming from Tepic:

Worship practice/sound check before the service:

Quesadillas after church? Si, por favor!

The kids are the biggest part of the congregation for now. La Fuente serves breakfast every Sunday morning, so the kids are always there. Lunch doesn’t always happen afterwards; we just happened to stop by on the right week.

It was a long morning, but it’s so cool to see what Antonio and Vanessa, and their super-dedicated team of helpers, have done in six months. Their worship team is growing (by more than just Miko) and they actually have a separate lesson/class for the kids now – in a room that was empty the last time I was here.

Worship is weird for me at all of the services, but the Holy Spirit is always present – and no less so in Puga. I got the general idea of Tonio’s sermon, but he ministers well. It was cool to see hands go up at the end of service – tired, worn, old hands that may never have known the love and freedom of Jesus if a small team of people wasn’t willing to stick out a really tough assignment. The angels rejoice over every one, right? It’s worth it. It’s always worth it. Add Tonio and Vanessa, and Puga, to your prayers.

Back in Tepic, we went to church at 5 pm, hopped over to buy bus tickets for the return trip tomorrow morning, and then got church again at 7 pm.

And then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for (and by “we all,” I mean me): tacos al pastor. For 10 pesos each. That’s less than a dollar. I’m embarrassed to say how many I ate.

Late Night Q&A Time

I thought we’d wrap this up with a little Q&A. We’re getting on a bus in five hours; we’ll sleep then …

Q: If you could describe the last six months in one word, what would it be?

Uncomfortable

Q: What has been the most powerful ministry experience?

The crusade. We had to go out and put into practice everything we learned at Vanguard. There was no room for, “Hey, I don’t feel comfortable with this,” you just had to go do it.

I witnessed a lot of people receive salvation in Christ, but I also witnessed a lot of people refuse that free gift and that really changed me. You realize how important it is to really reach people, because it’s real. A lot of these people have been raised Catholic, and they don’t really know who Jesus is.

 

Q: How are you serving the vision of La Fuente?

They’re all about reaching the younger generation, and I feel like I help with that. I speak up and share my input about how to reach younger people.

Now that school is on a break, I have more time to do what I feel like I really came here to do, which is serve the ministry. With class, it’s really hard, although we serve when we can and when the church does events. But since we’re on a break now, I’m over at the main church every day helping Pastor Mimi (the worship leader) with pretty much whatever she needs.

I’m still doing worship in Puga every Sunday, of course. And Mimi has been talking about getting me involved with the worship team in Tepic as well. I’m open for whatever.

Q: How do you feel about the next six months?

I’m excited about it. I think the hardest part is over: adjusting, starting to learn the language, getting used to being on my own in a lot of ways. I don’t know what the next six months will look like, but I’m excited for it.

Q: Any idea what God might be calling you to after this?

No solid ideas. I’ve thought about staying on in Tepic to work with La Fuente after my time is up, but I’ not sure. So I guess the next six months will include a lot of prayer in that regard.

There are things in the States that I want and need to do too, but how it’s all going to work out – I don’t know. I know I don’t want to just stay here because I’m used to being here now. I want to do what God has for me. I’m just not sure what that is yet.

Q: How do you feel about having come here in general? Would you recommend that high school graduate take a year to do missions before they move on to college or the work force?

In general, I feel like this has been an invaluable experience, really. I guess – ya, I would. I think anyone graduating high school, or anyone who just doesn’t know what to do next, should do missions.

It really expands your worldview, and it makes you realize – not just as head-knowledge – that God is so much bigger than you thought. His plans are so much bigger, and it’s not always just what you see at home. It’s humbling, but it really gives you a much bigger perspective.

Hello, beloved!

I was going to post a general update, thinking I was done telling you what you had missed – in a nutshell, of course. But that was when I realised that I hadn’t really told you everything. I was telling you guys what I thought you wanted to hear, and while I’m sure you were glad to hear from me and hear about what I was doing, I totally disregarded the possibility that you would like to hear about what God’s been doing in me.

This post is going to be very transparent about what I’m dealing with. I just ask that you continue to pray for me and continue to show your support – I have been very, very grateful for it. Thank you.

I told you in my first “What You’ve Missed” post that I have had to deal with a lot of issues, and I suppose the best place to let you in is at the beginning. There are things I struggled with back at home that I subconsciously must have thought wouldn’t follow me here to Mexico, and for some issues, that has proved true. Surprisingly for some things, even. But then, there are things that I didn’t realise I packed and brought with me. Heavy things. Unnecessary things. Unhealthy, and maybe even dangerous things. Things I told myself I didn’t want anymore. But I brought them anyways.

Which begs the question: do I want to give these things up?

Of course, when I’m feeling strong spiritually, the answer is always “yes.” But there are also times when I’m feeling not-so-strong spiritually, and it’s in these times where the answer can change. Sometimes, the answer is “yes, but…” and other times it’s a flat out, stubborn “no.” Sometimes, it’s something else entirely. I feel ashamed. Why can’t I do the things I want to do? Why do I do everything I don’t want to do – the things I hate? I know I’m not the only one. Even Paul talked about this sort of thing in Romans 7:15, 19 (For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing).

I recognise this is a result of many things – it is not solely an attack sent by the Devil in my weakness. I knew before I came down here that I would have to endure refinement and pruning and all the pain that would come with it. In fact, I think that is mostly what it is. I first realised it when I was in my second or third week of school – I was attending the mandatory Wednesday night service when we, as a congregation, were asked to pray for one another. Fortunately, I had been sitting with a classmate who knew English, so I was able to let him know what I needed prayer for (and vice versa). I felt unmistakably led to address the things I harboured towards my father. Cue dramatic sigh.

For those of you who do not know, I do not have much of a relationship with my biological father, and what little I do have is pretty negative. So, of course I knew I would have to deal with it down here if I wanted to experience growth and have a testimony that would glorify the Lord and help others struggling with the same thing. But as I said in the aforementioned post, I filed this under things I didn’t think I would have to deal with till later. I was not happy, if I’m honest. I knew what was going to happen, and I didn’t want to have that responsibility laid on me. I didn’t want to let go of the hurt that was both directly and indirectly inflicted on me by this man who had never been a father to me, but it was under the guise of wanting worldly justice. By the world’s standards, I have a pretty legitimate reason for not forgiving him. I know because I have been told how right I am in my actions (or rather, my inaction). Why should I forgive him? Why let him off the hook? It isn’t fair.

But I ignored the world’s advice, and most of all, I ignored my flesh, and in that split second, I made the decision to tell my classmate about the poison I had been sipping on for 18 years. He looked at me for a few long seconds (though it felt like years) before he pulled out his phone. As he did this, he began reminding me of why it is important to forgive, and then he told me through a faint smile about a word he received and typed into his phone that morning. I read this message: Obedience to your father is not in punishment, but in love. After my initial shock, I realised something – as if I wasn’t convicted enough, the words were typed in English… by someone whose native tongue was Spanish. In that moment, while all I could think of was “seriously?“, my classmate went on to say how he thinks that word was for me, because he wrote it in English. I assumed that was a confirmation.

The next day, during our morning session which taught how to deal with conflict in the ministry, the lesson was about forgiveness. And the teacher was recounting a few stories of forgiving his father, and also of forgiving the man who had abused him as a child (both of those things are things I relate to, so I felt personally victimised* during the lesson). He ended by giving the class the task of writing a letter of forgiveness to whomever we needed to forgive. With the intention of actually following through and giving that person that letter. It was another one of my “seriously?” moments. And as much as I wish I had been able to do it, I never got around to finishing that letter, and therefore, haven’t been able to send it to my father. I do believe that before that Wednesday night service, I wasn’t ready to forgive him. I think that I am ready now – I want to forgive him. For his sake. For mine. For the sake of my future family.

But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t bring myself to write a letter that was truthful and saturated in candidness without the words themselves being laced with bitterness. I needed the letter to echo the truth I felt: you don’t deserve this. In other words, I knew what I wanted, and I knew what would be pleasing to God, but I did the opposite. I put aside what I wanted, and did the very thing I hate. I held on to my pain while trying to hold on to God. I didn’t want him to read it and think he had a chance at a relationship with me, because I don’t want to lie to him. The fact is this – he still leads a destructive lifestyle, and each time I have given him another chance, I’ve regretted it. But the truth is, I have to give it to God. He knows what I need to do. I know that regardless of what happens, He will be glorified. However, I still would appreciate prayer for this – whatever God puts on your heart. I have to write and send him that letter, but I still don’t know how. So if you could pray for wisdom and guidance in that area, that would be incredibly helpful. Strength, peace, humility… all of these are things I’ll need.

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I miss you all back home and I was super thrilled to see the CITW team last week! It was nice to see some familiar faces and to speak in English guilt-free. I hope you guys had fun during and between all your hard work with the church buildings, and I hope you enjoyed Mexico as much as I have been!

My last post I was asked if I have been learning Spanish in class or through the people. Both, but I have been learning in class by trying my hardest to listen to the original Spanish as well as the English translation. As for the request of photos/videos of my life in La Casita, those will come soon – I am very forgetful. I am not used to people wanting to know what I do in my everyday life, but I will overcome that for the sake of the wonderful blessings I refer to as my followers.

*Not really “victimised,” but you get what I mean.