Five Things I Learned in Tlajomulco

On June 21, 2016June 21, 2016 By Kamiko BlalarkIn La Fuente, Mexico, Missions, Vanguardia4 Comments

Saludos!

It’s been a while, and a lot has happened. I want to thank everyone who has been following along despite the fact that I’m not as good as I should be at keeping you updated. That being said, I’ll continue with the update.

As you know (if you read my last post), last month I went on a mission trip to Tlajomulco, a city near Guadalajara. Even though I knew I would enjoy it more than I thought I would (so my expectations were high from the start), I didn’t think I would be as affected by it as I was. I evangelised, fed people, prayed for strangers, sang for worship, acted for skits, etc… and in doing so, I learned these things:

1. Don’t over think. Just be.

I don’t have it in me to do and be everything perfectly, no matter how hard I try or how determined I am or how well-prepared I may be. And that’s okay. I’m not here to make myself or my team or my school look good. I’m here to glorify the only One worthy of praise, and if I keep my focus on Him, then my slip-ups won’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and my mistakes are opportunities for the magnification of Christ, just as much as the things I do right. I learned that God made me the way He wanted, and whatever I don’t appreciate, I either developed in rebellion (anything that goes against God’s Word/ anything I’ve done apart from Him), or I have yet to trust Him with. The best I can do is to seek Him and be in His presence, to focus on His glory and planning. It’s okay to let go and just… be. Be in His presence. Be who He is calling me to be. Be a little uncomfortable sometimes. Be awkward, silly, useful, unsure, emotional – alive. In every moment, be alive, and aware that you’re here for a purpose, and be grateful for those very reasons – sometimes, I think they’re all that separates me from the dead and dying.

2. Make an effort. Really.

Gosh, how I wish I had put the same effort into the first week that I had put into the last week. I wish I had put more effort into the trip as a whole. I didn’t really understand the extent of the regret I would feel until after we were on our way home and I saw the “TEPIC” sign greeting us, and I forced myself to hold back tears of “have I really left that place? Is it really over?” I wish I had put more effort into my work, my Spanish skills, my worship, my leadership (goodness, my leadership), and my interactions with people. Those I’ll probably never properly meet, and those I should have invested in long before the crusade began. But because I can’t go back and change what I did or didn’t do, the best I can do now is to use it as a learning experience and try my best to carry it with me.

3. Short term =/= Insignificant.

Sometimes, short term relationships (referring to platonic friendships) are just as meaningful as the long term. I’ve always had an insatiable yearning for connection, and as a result, I often find myself avoiding certain people due to the feeling I get which tells me: this isn’t going to last. Of course, coming here to Mexico took every relationship I could potentially form and turned them into one huge boulder that barely fit in the pit of my stomach, and it was hard to swallow. The feeling of “this isn’t going to last” was inescapable. Unless I planned on staying here long-term, none of these people would be in my life longer than a year, and that put me on edge and made me feel a little empty inside. It scared me. I’m still trying to get over the fear, in all honesty. But in Tlajomulco, I met some new people, and I met some old ones as well – my classmates. For months, I kept to myself, endured awkward small talk, and stayed nestled in that nook whose slippery edges I had become familiar with – welcome, but out of place. For months, I did this to make sure I wouldn’t get too attached. But as I worked with them, ate with them, and worshipped with them, they crawled out of the boxes I placed them in, neatly labeled for my convenience, “extras/short-term acquaintances,” and planted themselves somewhere warmer and closer. It was slow enough not to feel fabricated, but quick enough to feel as if it caused me a kind of mild trauma. But I wouldn’t take it back, because they helped me grow, gently urged me out of my shell, and made me feel like I was home. Like I belonged. I forgot I was over 1,000 miles away from home, in a different country. It felt familiar. But saddening at the same time, because as they were all crying over the bittersweetness of leaving one another, I once again felt out of place, because I still wasn’t nearly as close to them as they were each other. But once again, I know now, and I’m investing in the people who are still here – still scared, but not weighed down anymore.

4. Put yourself out there.

For those who know me personally, you know I am not exactly what you would call a confident person. I hesitate. I doubt. I get scared sometimes. But if I don’t put myself out there, I’m not very likely to grow. I can have the best theories, sound theology, and pure intentions, but if I keep it in my head, and not in my heart and hands and on my sleeve, what good is it? If I don’t allow those things to manifest in my character, do they carry the same weight? What better way to prompt that manifestation than to extend my thoughts, love, and actions into the outside world by speaking, evangelising, and serving? For the unsure, this isn’t easy. And it doesn’t always turn out to be fun. Sometimes, you say or do the wrong thing, and sometimes people don’t want what you’re offering. You don’t always see results and you don’t always feel good about it, or accomplished. But God rewards the faithful.It’s not always fun, no. But it’s worth it, I promise.

5. Tejuino is the worst beverage man has ever concocted. Ever.

Seriously. Everyone here thinks it’s the ichor of the heavens, but it tastes horrible. I don’t know what exactly I was expecting from a drink composed mainly of fermented corn, ice, and lime juice, but I attempted to try something new and it backfired horrendously. Tejuino? More like tejuiNO.

Tlajomulco was amazing. I may be missing my last year at Love Packages, but as I predicted, God more than made up for it. In fact, He went beyond my expectations (they can never be high enough). I’m in awe – really. I just hope I can make it back there one day, knowing now what I didn’t know then.

That’s it for now! Next will be what I learned in Vanguard this semester – a list of a few of my favourite classes.

And just a heads up: I’ll be home June 27th, and I’m set to leave for Mexico again on July 11th. That’s two weeks of Miko in America. It’s been amazing down here, but of course, I’m excited to visit home for a couple of weeks to see my family and friends.

Ed:
Thank you so much for the ongoing love and support! It is greatly, greatly appreciated. I will definitely be making time to talk with you when I get back, sir! No doubt.
**(P.S – A big THANK YOU to you and your wife for letting your daughter come down here with Lex to bring me back home! I was giddy when I saw her name on the ticket receipts…)

Don’t forget to like, share, and comment, please! It means a lot to hear from you guys!

A Conference, A Crusade, A Reassurance

On April 26, 2016June 18, 2016 By Kamiko BlalarkIn Uncategorized4 Comments

Saludos!

A lot has happened since I last let you guys in on what I was doing, what with a pretty big conference and the fact that Vanguard is quickly coming to an end (and since it’s technically second semester, they are piling on quite a bit of work as a way to make the students prove themselves ready to work in the ministry), I’ve been pretty busy. Bad news – that won’t be changing for another month or so; good news – after that, things will be getting a lot more relaxed. After the Vanguard mission trip, all that will be left to worry about is the graduation (which I obviously won’t be a part of because of when I joined the school), and then I’ll be free the rest of the summer to help La Fuente in any way I can.

I have been unsure of what I should write about next – so much has been happening lately, and while that gives me more to write about, it also leaves me with less time to write about it. I know you’ve been missing me and what I’ve been experiencing down here, so, here you go! A few things I wish I could have shared with you all before today.

The first thing I would like to share about is the En Vivo (live) conference. A week full of amazing words from passionate and empowered guest speakers, as well as from La Fuente’s very own Pastor Diego (Dwight) Hansen and his wife, Mary Jo (and yes – I am understanding a great deal of the messages. Estoy tan emocionada!). Not to mention incredible worship from a Spirit-filled and energetic team. This week had it all. It was pretty emotional for quite a few reasons, some of which I may write about in later installments, some of which I might tell in person, and others, I’ll probably keep to myself. Either way, I’m glad I was here for this conference, and I hope I can be a part of more during my stay here. I’m still growing from things I dealt with that week. It was awesome in every sense of the word.

(Snippets from En Vivo, from La Fuente’s Facebook page)

Next would be the upcoming Vanguard mission trip (cruzada). I do see the humour in the fact that I am here for a mission trip, and within this mission trip, I will be participating in another mission trip. We as a class have been split up into two separate groups, each going to a different location, doing slightly different things. Both groups are going to Jalisco (the state that contains Guadalajara), but to different places therein. One group, my group, is going to a city called Tlajomulco to help with a church that has already been established. I’m not too sure on what exactly “help” fully entails, but either way, I’ll be more than happy to offer my service. The other group is going to two different cities – Zapopan and El Coli – to not only help out a pre-established church, but they will also be traveling to another location to actually assist in planting a church, which is something I was really hoping I could be a part of (though I am happy to help regardless of what I’ll be doing). To say I’m excited would be an understatement. I was a little disappointed that I would be missing out on my last year to go with my youth group to Love Packages (if you don’t know what that is, I encourage you to check them out – they are a group of three guys in Butler, Illinois doing a great work for God’s Kingdom), but it seems like God, as usual, is probably going to more than make up for it. We leave May 16th, and we don’t come back till May 30th, so I have only three weeks of Vanguard left, in terms of having classes to attend. Then it’s la cruzada, until finally, the graduation, in which I’ll be saying goodbye to a good portion of my classmates, save for those who choose to do an internship with La Fuente. But even then, they could be shipped to any one of the extensions that the church has planted. Either way, I ask that you guys would pray for me and my classmates, that we would have a confidence in the direction that God leads us as individuals, and that we would continue to follow His plan, and whatever else you feel God puts on your heart – all prayers are greatly appreciated. Being a young adult is pretty hard work on it’s own – but we are also college students and missionaries. That’s crazy.

My classmates (more or less).

Lastly (for now), I thought I should share with you guys a couple of the things I found out about myself over the last month or so. The week before the En Vivo Conference, we had a teacher come to the school to teach about the Holy Spirit (he also taught on early church history in the mornings, which I thought was really neat), and during one of his classes, he had us prophesy over our classmates, which scared me to death, for a couple of reasons.

Pastor Julio Loreto

One – I am not exactly a fan of speaking in person, even with people I do know (I prefer to communicate through writing), much less having to pray for people I barely know in a prophetic manner, and the second to last thing I wanted was to sound like an incompetent mess whose vocabulary consisted mainly of what many would refer to as “catch-up words.” Two – I had been struggling with doubt concerning my ability to hear God’s voice, and the last thing I wanted was to sound like an incompetent mess with a painfully laughable vocabulary who also was obviously not hearing from God in any way. I was afraid I would be placed in front of someone and I would say something completely foolish and irrelevant, and everyone would question my “Christian abilities.” Looking back, my fears were actually pretty foolish in and of themselves, but in the moment they were petrifying. In the time it took for the teacher to explain the exercise (praying for each other blindfolded) and for the class to start praying for one another, I had mentally recited several versions of the same prayer around 6 times, begging for any one of my words to be Spiritually-inspired. It wasn’t until I was finished praying for the second person that I really felt a word tug at me. I figured it was for this second person who I had just finished praying for, and I considered just saying it, despite the fact that I had already technically finished my prayer, even though I would have felt really awkward about it. But before I could muster up enough self-encouragement, we were stopped. I felt really guilty about it, because as soon as the opportunity was lost, I was more certain than before that that person really needed to hear the word I received.
My heart sunk in response to my cowardice and indecision. “This is why You don’t talk to me, isn’t it?” I asked through the clatter of my self-esteem shattering, crumbling to new depths. I thought I knew the answer, but yet, I prayed for another opportunity to get that word to my classmate. Then, as if to prove my answer to my own question wrong, I was given a second chance. We were asked to do it again. While we got into formation and were given people to pray over, I heard my teachers make amused remarks that seemed to be directed towards me and/or my person. I pondered the possibility that perhaps He went as far as to bring my lost classmate back to me, but I put that thought aside, trying my best to focus on hearing from the Spirit. The words I wanted to say were still in my mind, and despite how much I tried calling on something else, I was running out of things to say, and it hadn’t even been a minute. So I eventually gave in and said what I had been holding for however long, and as soon as I said it, more things came to my mind, so I went ahead and said them, too. It continued like that for the next person as well. Before I could get it with the third person, however, we were called back again. And I was astonished to hear that the two people I had prayed for felt like God was using me to talk to them – on a personal level. To a greater degree, I was deeply encouraged and reassured, leading me to believe that God was using that situation to talk to me on a personal level. And for the first time in a long time, I cried in public in a room full of people I didn’t really know, and I cried tears of relief, of joy, of excitement (if that’s even a thing). I heard my Father tell me, “I never stopped trying to talk to you. I never will. And if you’re willing, I will use you to talk to others.” I just need to listen and be confident in His word. I just need to know Him, so I can distinguish His voice from every other voice I find myself hearing.
As if in response to this event, this past week we were lectured on the gifts of the Spirit (motivational gifts). And through the testing we did, I found out that my top gifts were Mercy and Prophecy. I find that pretty neat. I should probably invest in some prophet’s robes and a crystal ball or two.

Ha.

Just kidding.

There you have it! I’m going to work to see if I can get another one out this week, but if not, just know that in a few weeks time, you won’t have to worry about waiting so long for my updates anymore.

To those who commented – I apologise for my inability to respond sooner.

@themindful1:
The weather is great! It can be bipolar at times, but nowhere near the insanity I am familiar with in Illinois. So far, it hasn’t been too humid, so the heat has been bearable. Though I hear that won’t be the case soon… As for my Easter plans, I didn’t really do much. It was a pretty regular Sunday. One thing I did find different here, though, was the fact that everything, and I do, almost literally mean everything was closed for at least the entire week. The silence was a little eerie, considering I am used to the noise of the streets. But I guess that’s what happens in Catholic countries, where they take Easter VERY seriously. It was interesting, but also admittedly a little bit of an inconvenience, since the stores were all closed, but I was somehow able to survive, haha.

@edtexb37:
Thank you! And even more thanks for your kind words and ongoing support! I really, really, REALLY appreciate it. You and your family are always in my prayers, and I can’t wait to see you guys again! Hope all has been well with you. Big hugs to all of you!

Thank you all for the support and prayers, and please don’t forget to donate! I am getting to that point where I need to make travel arrangements for my visit back home, and with having to pay for the Vanguard mission trip, every donation is a much needed blessing! Also, if you can take some time out to leave a comment or otherwise contact me, it would do quite a bit to encourage me. Reading them always brings a smile to my face, so if you can spare some time to let me know you’ve been following along, it would make me very happy.

Hasta la próxima vez, Dios los bendiga! Los amo!

What You’ve Missed Part 5: Devotionals

On March 21, 2016March 23, 2016 By Kamiko BlalarkIn Encouragement, La Fuente, Mexico, Vanguardia2 Comments

Hello beloved!

In What You’ve Missed Part 3, I mentioned very briefly the fact that we do devotionals in class on a regular basis. Most times, the devotionals are done by the pastors and other staff of the school, but sometimes they will pick on a student (or students) to share something with class. A few weeks ago, I was that trusted student. So, I’ve decided to share with you what I shared with my morning class, rewritten from the outline I wrote (the night before I had to present it).

Me (looking photogenic, as usual) and my translator, Saulo (translating, as usual). Many thanks to him!

Like many of you, the calling I received to come here meant leaving home. And though my friends and family and I would discuss “Miko in Mexico” with light-hearted words of fun and excitement, I knew that part of that was to cover up the reality of – “okay, what am I doing?” Because though I hid it all behind a veil of smiles and nods and “yeah, I’m pretty nervous, but I’ll be okay,” I couldn’t change the fact that the deeper I dug and the harder I looked, there was fear. Because unlike the rest of you (except Jonah, obviously), I had to not only leave home, but I had to travel 1,726 miles (2,778 kilometers) to leave behind an entire culture and way of life. The culture and language that I had spent over 18 years being wholly dependent on – to express myself and my thoughts and feelings, to shape my future and make sense of my past, to understand who I am and to convey that to others – all of it would carry a significantly lesser meaning once I crossed the border that separates my land from yours. If any of you took the time to visit my website (thank you, if you did!), you may remember a post I wrote on feeling alone and out of place.

Please, don’t get me wrong – I love Mexico! I love you guys! This miniature “woe is me” rant was all to say: this is what it is to be saved, to be Christian. Well, it’s one part of the incredibly magnificent whole, at least.

My analogy will be drawn from what Pastor Alex taught Tuesday evening, where I was reminded that I am not merely a “fixed,” or a “remastered” creation. I am new. Here’s the picture that was painted for me: when you visit a country in which you intend to spend an extended length of time, what is the most critical thing you must do? Hint – it isn’t to learn their language or to adopt their culture as fast as you can.

The first, most critical thing you must do is to take your 18, 20, or 30+ years of your primary, ingrained culture and way of life… and throw it away. En serio. Throw it away, burn it, scrub it out of your skin and your clothes and don’t look back. Take the phrase “uncultured swine” to new heights and leave yourself with nothing to cling onto but what’s in front of you. Because honestly, there’s no way you can realistically rid yourself completely of the culture you were given as a child and carried into your adult years. I mean, you still need to talk. But the point is, if you set that goal for yourself, you’ll find it easier to learn the foreign language and culture.

When we become Christians, regardless of how young or old we were, the term we use to describe ourselves is “born again.” Why? Because we are new creatures. Why? The quick answer – the Bible says so, and if you’re here, you most likely are under the belief that the Bible is the Word of God, so in other words, God says so. And I can’t recall a situation in which God said something and His Word returned void. So when God says we are new, it doesn’t mean we will be new; it doesn’t mean we might become new, or that novelty is reserved only for a chosen few. We are new – it’s part of who we are. It’s something of a promise.

So the parallel is this – when we become Christians, we are called to live differently. And because He says we are new, we should have no trouble doing just that. We become “uncultured,” in the sense that we have completely abandoned our carnal way of living in exchange for a life guided solely by the Spirit. We become “little Christs,” or “Christians.” In other words, we cannot keep referencing our old way of life. We no longer live in our flesh, but we live in the Spirit – the rules that applied to our former state have no place in our new, and vice versa. Because though His death and resurrection happened over 2,000 years ago, Christ took our old, carnal, and destructive lives and threw them away, burned them, scrubbed them out of our skin and our clothes and told us not to look back. Again, it’s a bit of an exaggeration. We can’t fully let go of our pasts, but we can rid ourselves of the dependence we have on them.

This doesn’t just apply to those of us with “shady” or troubled pasts, either. You don’t have to have been a drug dealer/user, a sex addict, victim of abuse, or a thief to have a powerful claim of liberation from your past. Because the truth is, we have all been liberated from the same things. Not only in the sense that “I had a good childhood, so I was never raised into a life of crime as a result of being from a broken home, so in a way I have been saved from that.” While this way of thinking is true and does what a testimony should do (give glory to God), it isn’t the only way of looking at it. Think about the promises in the Bible. They are things God has spoken over us. He tells us that we are now conquerors, co-heirs, alive, forgiven, and free in Christ Jesus. But why are these things written in the Bible? Why does God even say this?

Because we are not any of these things by nature. On the contrary, because of the Fall, we are the complete opposite. Regardless of who we are or where we come from, we are born defeated. We are born lowly orphans. We are born dead, even. We are born indebted with the weight of our own wrong-doings, and perhaps most tragically, we are born in bondage. But when the work of the cross was finished and Christ defeated death, God spoke, and He calls us free. Worthy, righteous, loved, His. And He calls us new.

Christ paid a hefty price for these titles. And I know these words are all painfully worn out. I know we are all probably struggling with things and we have all heard people tell us – “put it all in God’s hands,” and “remember, our battles have all been won on the cross.” But it’s true. Please, focus on God’s promises, on His words. We are not our struggles. In fact, we aren’t even the struggles we have overcome. By all means, look back at what God has brought you through and use it as a reminder of His goodness and grace and mercy. Glorify Him. But don’t stay there. Move on. Remember that we are nothing more than what He says we are and what He’s called us to be. If you feel overwhelmed by circumstance – you’re an overcomer. It applies in every situation. God doesn’t deal with things as they arise. He’s already dealt with our struggles fully. And we may go through life feeling like we are doing everything wrong at every turn. But it’s important to note that it isn’t our job to do everything right – we’ve already failed at this, honestly. All this self-imposed responsibility is going to do is draw us away from Him. Our job is to live for Christ alone, and in turn He supplies us with the strength we need to live His purpose. Speak out and declare His words over your life and you will live them out.

There you have it. Thank you all for your support and love! Don’t forget to ask me questions! Until next time – Dios los bendiga!

P.S – Please don’t forget to donate! Every little bit helps! Muchas gracias!